A New Chapter of my life begins!

Turning Pages

Only yesterday
I was curled up under the tent
in our living room
made of chairs and blankets
watching adventures flash by on the screen
thinking about what could be
what will be
what I want to be

Here I am watching another screen
keyboard ticking and tacking
under a blur of flicking fingers
looking around my room
thinking about what has been
what was
who I am

A feeling is growing
inside of me
a siren's call
I hold back slightly
my hands gripping the railing
but I have to let go
I have to fall

Leaping off the ship
Falling into the unknown
Drinking the dark water of mystery
Praying for bubbles to bring me life
An extra one if you would
To continue
To not just past go,
but find my way
to the end of the tunnel

And to come out on the other side

- Laughing -

With friends waiting there for me.


With Seattle being just a few days away, you can tell that I'm still in a period of transition. It always feels weird when you have to pack up everything you had. To think to yourself, this is the last time I'll be walking up these steps, parking in that spot and opening this door. To berate yourself for all the things you didn't do while here and equally to wish you had more time to do some things again. To realize just how short and fast time is and to smile knowing that you're making the best of it that you can. To be able to chill with a friend and laugh. Sure you might not see them again, but to hell with that, you'll enjoy the moment forever in your mind. Better than any DVR, being able to slow, fast forward, rewind. To see their smile. Feel their hug. To know that no one can take that away from you.

You have to believe in the hope of the future. I don't know what's in store for me, but I think if I had known what would happen to me here, I wouldn't have come, which would have been terrible. Yes, bad things befell me here, but good things did as well. If anything, I have clearer direction for where I want to go and I'm beginning to finally understand myself on a deeper level than just "How am I feeling today?"

I still think of her. It's something hard to let go of. I bet she's feeling the same. When you give someone your heart, it's not something you can just take back immediately. I'm confident someday our bridge will be rebuilt, but for right now I'm content knowing we made it through and that good things are on both our horizons. We might be going separate ways, but I meant what I said long ago. That's between just us.

So go forth young Joanie! Head due North! Seek new life. Seek new jobs. Seek what you want. Find what you need! It's all yours for the taking - and for the sharing as well.

- Joanie /^>