Monday, November 17, 2008

A Box of Dreams

Change isn't coming
It has already arrived

I'm caught up in it
carried away by it
It's all here before me
rushing into this rapidly fading room
It's a Hurricane
knocking me off balance
tossing me in all directions

Oh, Winds of Change,
Won't you please take me somewhere new?
Where rainbows can be touched
Where hope is a snowcapped mountain
Where dreams are concrete sidewalks that never end

I don't want to make
the same mistakes
I did last time

I want this time
to be different
for not just me
but everyone around me

God grant me the courage
to be myself
to love myself
to forgive myself
to stand up for myself
to think of others beside myself

I've traveled too many of these dark pathways before
fallen down those same holes again and again
trapped in silver snares of my own design
creatures that snap and chew and tear
and never release

But I can fight them
with my box of dreams
tiny but intricately carved
in the palm of my hand
it contains no less
than everything
that is
and anything
that could ever be

The trick is not only opening it
But in coaxing them out
Giving these dreams of mine wings
setting them free

In them
I am

Sunday, November 16, 2008

A New Chapter of my life begins!

Turning Pages

Only yesterday
I was curled up under the tent
in our living room
made of chairs and blankets
watching adventures flash by on the screen
thinking about what could be
what will be
what I want to be

Here I am watching another screen
keyboard ticking and tacking
under a blur of flicking fingers
looking around my room
thinking about what has been
what was
who I am

A feeling is growing
inside of me
a siren's call
I hold back slightly
my hands gripping the railing
but I have to let go
I have to fall

Leaping off the ship
Falling into the unknown
Drinking the dark water of mystery
Praying for bubbles to bring me life
An extra one if you would
To continue
To not just past go,
but find my way
to the end of the tunnel

And to come out on the other side

- Laughing -

With friends waiting there for me.

With Seattle being just a few days away, you can tell that I'm still in a period of transition. It always feels weird when you have to pack up everything you had. To think to yourself, this is the last time I'll be walking up these steps, parking in that spot and opening this door. To berate yourself for all the things you didn't do while here and equally to wish you had more time to do some things again. To realize just how short and fast time is and to smile knowing that you're making the best of it that you can. To be able to chill with a friend and laugh. Sure you might not see them again, but to hell with that, you'll enjoy the moment forever in your mind. Better than any DVR, being able to slow, fast forward, rewind. To see their smile. Feel their hug. To know that no one can take that away from you.

You have to believe in the hope of the future. I don't know what's in store for me, but I think if I had known what would happen to me here, I wouldn't have come, which would have been terrible. Yes, bad things befell me here, but good things did as well. If anything, I have clearer direction for where I want to go and I'm beginning to finally understand myself on a deeper level than just "How am I feeling today?"

I still think of her. It's something hard to let go of. I bet she's feeling the same. When you give someone your heart, it's not something you can just take back immediately. I'm confident someday our bridge will be rebuilt, but for right now I'm content knowing we made it through and that good things are on both our horizons. We might be going separate ways, but I meant what I said long ago. That's between just us.

So go forth young Joanie! Head due North! Seek new life. Seek new jobs. Seek what you want. Find what you need! It's all yours for the taking - and for the sharing as well.

- Joanie /^>

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted for Obama

The Blue Vote

A bucket of blue paint
has spilled across our nation,
joining us together.

We have come forward!
We have voted!
We have decided!

A New Hope is dawning!
Tears are falling!
Change is coming!

Let's stick together!
Let's work together!
We'll get out of this together!

God Bless us,
The Young and Old,
The Right and Left,
The White and Black,
And everything inbetween!

Today history is made.
I'm proud to be an American,
Awaiting the future,
Whatever it might be.

Words can't express how awesome a night this is. I woke up this morning feeling something rising in the air. I felt so confident throughout the whole day and now I know why. Instinct was telling me just how pivitol today would be. I can't believe it's happened in my lifetime! An African American President! As someone who studied African American History in college, this is so amazing. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in a class like that now. To experience history in the making!

I'm glad to be able to look back on this day and tell my kids, "I voted for Obama." Having started out as a Republican - and now being Moderate for some time, I can say this is a new time for me as well. I'm shedding the old and embracing the new. I know no one's perfect, and Obama is bound to make some mistakes, but we're all only human. And I believe in the hope of the future and that no matter what, God will continue to bless our nation.

God Bless Obama and God Bless the USA!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Spirit

Halloween Cheer

Wear a mask!
Wear it proud!
Sing your song!
Sing it loud!
Walk the road.
Take a stroll.
Who knows what
the night will hold?
Take my hand.
Squeeze it tight.
With you all fiends
will run in fright.
Eat a treat.
Pass it on.
One more Halloween
has come and


Just a little something for Halloween. I love this time of year. I didn't really dress up this year, but wore something I normally wouldn't get away with in the light of day - my ye olde Renn Fest cloak and witch makeup. I always enjoy seeing everyone on the streets in costumes at night. It makes you feel glad to be alive and that the darkness doesn't always have to be a scary thing. It can be fun too. It's the one night even in LA people aren't afraid to be bold and walk the streets. Pretty amazing in my opinion.

Been working evenings and mornings with Lambent and crew and it's progressed to 7+ chapters! I can hardly believe it. I haven't felt like this in ages and I wish I never would have stopped writing. It's like Charles told me - when you love to do something it's like breathing. You have to do it. It's a need.

For a long time I've been denying my true nature as a writer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry for where I am. Things have been amazing for me this year. It's been a summer of complete metamorphsis with the promise of a brighter future. Things are clearer to me now. I'm more myself now and I'm stronger. I know what I want to do. My journey is long and hard, but it really is about that and not the destination. Sayings like that one are overused because you can't deny their truth. The bumps in the road make us into who we are and they make us stronger.

There will always be ruts in your road, so you gotta learn to buckle down, hold onto the wheel and manuever past them.

- Joanie /^>